mom

Hot Mess Mom

DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHER MOMS… WE’RE ALL A HOT MESS AND LOSING OUR SHIT. SOME OF US ARE JUST BETTER AT HIDING IT THAN OTHERS.

Do you ever find yourself comparing yourself to other moms? I do. All. The. Time. I don’t judge other moms – well, I mean, there are the ones who do some truly horrible things to their children and make the news and I definitely judge them. But ever since joining a larger community of moms on Facebook, I don’t judge other moms. But MAN the number of times I’ve caught myself comparing their lives to mine.

I have one friend who stays home with her kids and posts all kinds of amazing activities and adventures on her social media. I find myself wondering why I can’t be as organized as she is. Or creative. And I’ve seen this mom in action SO MANY TIMES. She legitimately is just that FABULOUS.

I have another mom friend who admits to losing her shit all the time. But when we hang out, I envy the way she’s able to talk to her son. The calm that she exudes. It might all be for me, but man do I wish I could think of the things that she says.

One of my friends works full time and is able to do all of these extra things for herself and for her kids. Where does she find the time? Or the energy?

I’ve actually had to come up with a strategy to stop comparing myself to others. With my anxiety I end up focusing WAY TOO MUCH energy on the comparison and get STUCK. But I found three questions to ask myself in these situations …

The first thing I ask myself – “ARE YOU DOING YOUR BEST?” Because if I am, then there is no reason to compare myself to someone else. And if I’m not, there still isn’t a reason to compare myself to someone else. There’s just a reason to work harder on doing better.

The second thing I ask myself – “DO YOU KNOW THE WHOLE STORY?” Because if I don’t know what they’re actually going through, comparing myself to someone else and wishing I was more like them might not actually be any better than my own life.

And lastly I ask myself – “ARE YOU BEING FAIR?” Fair to myself? Fair to the person I’m comparing myself too? Cause likely, I’m not. Especially not myself.

I’ve learned that people are really good at plastering on that fake smile and showing a social media perfect life to people around them but they struggle just like everyone else. And I’m no different. If you knew all the things going on in my life right now, you’d probably have to pick your jaw up off the floor. And I know I’m not the only one.

Make sure you’re happy in real life and not just on social media.

We are all hot mess moms and losing our shit. Every last one of us. Those that say they aren’t… well, I would love to be a fly on the wall in their house cause I could use the help. I’m the master of producing the happy life for house guests, play dates and social media. But I also have it figured out how to be happy in real life not just on Facebook and Instagram. Know what that secret is? Embrace the hot mess life and do your best. That’s it. Seriously.

What does she do?

via Daily Prompt: Faceless

I kind of covered this briefly in a different post but let’s go a little deeper.

The job of a mom is one that is often underestimated and always never ending. Some of the roles I play in a day include:

Personal Chef {typically to super picky clientele}
Taxi Driver/Cheueffer {but don’t expect to get tipped}
Housecleaner {cleaning bathrooms for all boys is GROSS by the way}
Laundry folder
Nurse {sometimes just kissing boo-boos is enough}
Playmate
Dishwasher
Play date coordinator
Homework helper
Appointment scheduler
and so on and so forth…

The list of jobs a mom does in a day is not only extensive… it’s EXHAUSTING. Most of the time your being pulled in a million directions by a lot of different people. Typically you’re seen for the things you do rather than the person you are.

Making sure that something your kids actually want to eat hits the table for dinner and everyone has clean skivvies for the day is taken for granted. Making sure that everyone washes their butts and brushes their teeth is met with groans and eye rolls. *insert my own eyeroll here*

If you try to get something done for yourself it takes extra coordination and you end up treating it like a mini vacation. Doctor appointment? Better take that drive home extra slow and stop for a coffee. Grocery shopping? Walk super slow and make sure you go down every single aisle.

The constant barage of questions revolving around what they want or need. The selfishly needy jerks. Do they notice that when they get up in the morning the house is clean again? Or that their too small clothes have magically been replaced? Do they take notice when the paperwork they need turned in is filled out?

Don’t get me wrong. Being a mom is the most fulfilling job I’ve ever had. The snuggles and kisses and hugs and I love yous. All of it is amazingly fulfilling.

… BUT …

It would be nice to feel seen by the people you love the most. Maybe they see me more than I realize. It doesn’t really feel that way often though. I am reminded by my friends and my husband that I am more than a three letter noun though. Thank God for that.

confessions of a hot mess mom

I confess.

I am a hot mess mom.

My house is always a mess. Unless company is coming over of course. In which case you’ll see my social media home.

Sometimes my kids eat organic foods. Most of the time though they eat store brand foods. I do make amazing dinners but I also feed them chicken nuggets and canned vegetables. Candy is often used as a bribe.

I don’t remember the last time that I was caught up on our laundry.

I cuss like a drunken sailor.

I only wash my hair once a week… you can go ahead and guess how often I shower.

I don’t remember the last time I bought an article of clothing for myself.

I use tablets AND television as a babysitter.

I’m pretty sure that I am judged by other moms constantly and I don’t care.

Sometimes I sneak candy in the bathroom so I don’t have to share.

Want to know what else? The REAL confession I have as a hot mess mom?

I suffer from anxiety and depression. And those intense, shitty feelings make it hard to be a good mom sometimes. Sometimes those feelings leave me short tempered and quick to be set off by what is normal toddler behaviors. I yell too much. I’m impatient. I want to be a good mom more than anything in the world. It’s hard for me. Is it hard for other people? I want to have the patience that other moms seem to find so easily. I want to be the type of mom who can do the fun art projects and field trips without feeling like the world is closing in on me or my heart is going to beat right out of my chest.

I know that I’m not the only one who suffers from mental health problems.

And you know what? I keep doing the art projects and the field trips with my kids. And make sure to snuggle them extra tight and tell them I love them. Cause even a hot mess mom can be a good mom.