I fake it. A lot.
I’m wonderful at telling people how fantastic I am and having them fully believe it. I’m absolutely terrific at plastering on a smile, letting out a bubbly laugh and faking my way through a terrible day, week, month or year.
I am a woman of faith living a life of chaos. I believe with every ounce of my being that there is a plan for my life. A plan for me and for my family.
But during the really tough seasons, no matter how much faith I have that absolutely everything will work itself out, there are times I fake it.
I fake the strength. The strength so many of my friends say they envy. I fake the smile.
Hide the worry, bury the stress, cue the smile, always respond, “I’m fantastic!”
But why? I try my hardest to embrace the chaos of my life.
When the going get tough, the tough mama sucks it up, gets shit done and embraces the chaos and her kids.
That doesn’t mean I don’t pray for some of that chaos to subside. It doesn’t mean I don’t bottle up all of the details of things happening and keep it contained on an inner shelf … it just means that sometimes that you have to FAKE it till you MAKE it even if it’s only for the public eye.
It’s okay to lose it. Sometimes I lose it. You just pick yourself up, brush yourself off and keep moving. Pour yourself a drink if you need to. Sometimes it’s okay to fake it.
I do recommend finding yourself a tribe. I have an amazing village of mamas that I can turn to when things get tough… when I’m feeling hopeless and all I have left to lean on is them and my faith.
I am a hot mess mom.
My house is always a mess. Unless company is coming over of course. In which case you’ll see my social media home.
Sometimes my kids eat organic foods. Most of the time though they eat store brand foods. I do make amazing dinners but I also feed them chicken nuggets and canned vegetables. Candy is often used as a bribe.
I don’t remember the last time that I was caught up on our laundry.
I cuss like a drunken sailor.
I only wash my hair once a week… you can go ahead and guess how often I shower.
I don’t remember the last time I bought an article of clothing for myself.
I use tablets AND television as a babysitter.
I’m pretty sure that I am judged by other moms constantly and I don’t care.
Sometimes I sneak candy in the bathroom so I don’t have to share.
Want to know what else? The REAL confession I have as a hot mess mom?
I suffer from anxiety and depression. And those intense, shitty feelings make it hard to be a good mom sometimes. Sometimes those feelings leave me short tempered and quick to be set off by what is normal toddler behaviors. I yell too much. I’m impatient. I want to be a good mom more than anything in the world. It’s hard for me. Is it hard for other people? I want to have the patience that other moms seem to find so easily. I want to be the type of mom who can do the fun art projects and field trips without feeling like the world is closing in on me or my heart is going to beat right out of my chest.
I know that I’m not the only one who suffers from mental health problems.
And you know what? I keep doing the art projects and the field trips with my kids. And make sure to snuggle them extra tight and tell them I love them. Cause even a hot mess mom can be a good mom.