Today is the reason I started a blog to begin with. Today is one of those days where you feel like the walls are closing in, like only your nose is above water and you can’t tread for much longer. Today is a day where you question your actual parenting abilities and whether or not the universe played a cruel joke on you by making you a parent to begin with.
Ok. Ok. I’m being just a little bit dramatic now.
My life is full of appointments and running and not enough structure or activities.
How do I become a more hands on mom, when that’s just not my personality?
I want to be the mom that enjoys playing with her children and getting on their level. I want to be the mom that has a structured schedule and sticks to it. The mom that can totally homeschool. But I feel like I’ve reached into my soul and can’t find that mom.
I feel like I’m failing.
I let my kids run wild and free but expect them to follow the rules I have in place as well. But it feels like 80% of the time they don’t listen to anything I say. As we speak, O is hanging half way out of his crib while I sit in the room trying to get him to sleep.
Trust me. I know I’m not the only one dealing with these struggles. I know that we’re all in this together and that other moms out there are probably feeling like failures too.
Some days, I can handle it. But days like today, where they won’t do anything I ask of them and in general act like tiny little mom destroying @$$3$… It’s hard to feel like I’m nailing this thing called momming. I know that there are other things in my life that are contributing to my state of mental health but man it would be nice if the kids could tell that and help rather than hinder.
I really don’t know what I’m hoping to get out of this post other than just venting. Maybe it’s just being able to get part of my struggles actually out into the universe instead of holding all this weight because it can become a burden.
Are any of you like me? Wanting to be the mom who does it all but not seeming to be able to get there? Have you got it figured out? Or at least enough to help me get it kind of figured out?
I know I’m doing some things right, I really do. I just wish it were easier more often. Ya know?