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Suffering through the pre-tween years

I don’t recall how I behaved at the age of nine, but if I were any where near as bad as my nine year old, I would hope someone would’ve put me in my place. I swear that you’re only warned about the issues of the teenager years, when your child is working on figuring out who they’ll be, struggling through becoming an adult and developing so many parts of their personality at the same time. APPARENTLY THOUGH this is something that happens throughout a child’s entire life. Apparently, I haven’t read nearly enough parenting books.

I honestly can’t sit and think of how much I’m failing as a parent, struggling as an adult and overall just failing him. How can I feel so much pressure to do something perfectly when no one else in the world has ever done it? I see their smiling faces and perfect outfits and amazing lives blasted all over Instagram. They make their lives seem so beautifully in place and, well, my life…? My life is dirty floors, dishes overflowing in the sink, disheveled children in unmatched clothing and myself just getting off the hot mess express. So why in the world would I think that I’m going to be able to raise tiny humans into decent human beings?

D and I struggle constantly. I can’t speak for him, but it seems as though he feels unwanted since the births of the younger two. And he seems to struggle a lot with feelings of inadequacy when it comes to his heritage. All I want in life is for him to be happy and to feel loved and accepted, but for some reason he doesn’t seem to get those things from my household or myself, regardless of how hard I try. It’s been a difficult stage and even more difficult to find the time that he needs alone with me.

Apparently he is going through a stage and there are other parents that are struggling with some of the same things I am. We have two big issues. The first is his intense emotions: he feels like everyone hates him one minute – crying and vulnerable – and the next minute he will hate everything and everyone in return – sometimes screaming at the top of his lungs. The second is the constant power struggle – he wants to be the one making the rules and will do anything he can to play everyone to get his way.

I’ve decided that the best thing I can do is meet him in the middle.

I need to make time for him. Time spent with just the two of us. Even if it’s just a quick trip to the store since we have such a busy schedule.

Work on helping him understand the emotions he’s feeling so that he doesn’t hate me and so that I don’t end up like Britney Spears circa 2007.

So I as I continue to understand this developmental stage, likely finally getting a grasp on it just as he enters a new stage, I have to wonder. How many others are experiencing heart break during this age?

 

 

 

2 comments

  1. Bri-Ignore social media first and foremost. You and I both write about struggles, but too many people don’t so that will only make me/us feel inadequate. I think you nailed a lot that is going on with D. And you ARE the best mom to him and your other boys. I wish I had the magic words to make it better, but I do think your ideas of some alone time sound great. ❤️❤️❤️💙

    Liked by 1 person

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