It is not very often that my home is quiet. Typically the only times there’s an iota of silence is when everyone is finally in bed for the night and even then my mom radar picks up on every sigh, cough and reposition.
I struggle with anxiety and sometimes the noise of my home can be so overwhelming that I can actually feel the pressure of it. During those times you would think that silence would be a welcome change. But alas, silence with a toddler can be worse than all the noise in the world. At least when there’s noise, you have an idea of the trouble they’re causing.
When your toddler gets quiet, you have no idea what to expect – unless the smell reaches you before you have the chance to realize they’ve been too quiet.
The scent of what I can only assume is what a Jersey Shore frat house would smell like wafted into the nursery where I was changing O. Why did I believe I could change the baby on the changing table without consequences? The overwhelming smell of Axe body spray infiltrated my nostrils. My eyes began to water. INSTANT migraine. How much did he spray that I could smell it that strongly from two rooms away?! Answer. The entire sample size bottle.
I walked out into the living room, baby on my hip, and became so overpowered by the scent that I immediately opened the front door to air out the house despite the balmy weather outside.
He found the sample that his brother had gotten at the hockey expo this past weekend. And because he seems to be some type of mischievious evil genius, he was able to figure out how to twist it open and spray it. Everywhere. He stood behind our couch with his hands behind his back trying to hide the evidence.
“G? Whatcha got there?”
Worst thing to ask a spirited toddler EVER. Did G think it would be a fantastic idea to hand over the evidence of his smelly actions? Of course not. He thought it would be a fantastic idea to RUN. And what I thought HAD to be an empty spray bottle at this point, definitely was NOT. As I’m trying to stop him, he’s spraying more of this guido in a bottle and at this point the tiny molecules of douche spray are making their way into my mouth as I yell for him to STOP!
I finally caught up to him and grab the bottle and find it is now empty. Between what he sprayed before getting caught and what he sprayed after getting caught I’m pretty sure that there’s more on him than in the house. And let’s not forget that in my hot pursuit, I’ve managed to get enough on me to accidentally attract some quaffed haired guidette.
Moral of the story here ladies and gents… silence is not always golden. Especially if you have a toddler and ESPECIALLY if you’re sensitive to smells.