Category: Blog Posts

I’ve strived to be candid in my blogs. Honest. So here I go again.

I have been struggling with myself for the last couple of months. It has not been going well, at all. I’ve had to take the focus off of my physical journey – weight loss – and put it back on to my mental health. This has caused a shift that has made me self-conscious and more often than not, self-deprecating.  As mother’s, I feel like, more often than not, it is so easy to let the focus fall off of ourselves and entirely on to our children, our partners and our jobs/households. I, for one, tend to do this over and over again. I forget who I am.

It can be so difficult not to when you can’t remember the last time you washed your hair and you’re wearing the same coffee/spit up/food stained yoga pants for who knows how many days.

There are so many ways we can make time for ourselves and finding a way that is rejuvenating is going to be different for each of us. This blog post though is going to be about one you’ve probably never even considered. Boudoir photos. I realize that having these photos done is not something you can do every time you start to lose your sense of self, but let me tell you, being able to look at them any time you’re feeling the way I’ve been feeling can be so uplifting.

I actually have been lucky enough to have had two separate experiences with boudoir photography. My first experience was with Blooming Portraits Photography Studio and the other, much more recent shoot, was with 4 Girls Glamour. A close friend of mine nominated me to win a photo shoot with 4 Girls Glamour and I was beyond shocked when I actually won. Shocked and terrified. Even though I had photos taken before, they were done by someone who had taken a TON of family photos and even photographed the birth of my son. She did my makeup and made me look phenomenal shortly after having G.

After seeing me give birth there isn’t much more to be self-conscious about.

Going in to a studio to have “sexy” photos taken by someone I don’t know? That was terrifying.

I walked into the studio and was immediately directed to the makeup artist Jen Des Lauriers of High Brow Minneapolis. She got to work giving me a soft, yet bold look that would absolutely pull everything together. I even had false lashes which I always feel awkward in but she managed to make me feel completely comfortable and absolutely stunning.

Next came the issue of what to wear. My lingerie isn’t exactly the sexiest stuff you can own and for some reason I hadn’t been smart enough to buy something new. No worries though. Elizabeth and Aaron – owners of 4 Girls Glamour – came through in the clutch with some of the most amazingly beautiful lingerie, shoes and jewelry I could have asked for. I even mustered up the courage to wear something that I would never be caught dead in. And I looked GREAT in it.

Elizabeth and Aaron are seriously the chilliest couple and so easy to work with. They know how to make you feel completely comfortable all while making you look your absolute best. They’re the kind of folks you can picture hanging out with on a patio somewhere, having drinks and talking about your kids. They did an amazing job of explaining how to pose and how to position myself to get the best angle. AND they made me laugh and have fun while doing it. AND they made me feel like a total hottie. As a mom of four, three that I birthed, who definitely has the mom bod going on, I wasn’t sure if the outfits I had chosen would look good or the poses they were choosing would look good. But holy hell. When I finally got to see the proofs I was in absolute shock that I could look as amazing as I did.

I will 110% always recommend that a woman get boudoir photos done. Not just for her partner, but for herself. I’ve heard all of the excuses and I can guarantee that you are perfect just the way you are. These photographers are skilled at making you look your absolute best. Why not embrace the beauty that your partner and everyone else can see and finally see it yourself?!  Wear as much or as little as your comfortable with and know that once the photos come back your confidence is going to soar.

And while I’m still struggling with all of my everyday things and my mental health issues – I get to look at these photos and know that there is so much more to me than meets the eye. There is sass, beauty, confidence, sexiness and so much more. If it takes these photos to remind me, then so be it.

It’s approaching July which means that summer is a third of the way done. I have a list of things that I’ve been meaning to bring the kids to do – a very small bucket list of items that I want to do with my kids. And yet … my good intentions have brought nothing to fruition. The items on my list aren’t anything significant or spectacular but I think that if I post it here maybe I’ll be held accountable to actually DO THEM.

Choo Choo Bob’s Storytime, Choo Choo Bob’s, 2050 Marshall Avenue, St Paul, MN 55104
Tuesday’s at 10 a.m.
You get to go and sing songs and hear stories about trains. Seems like something fun for kids of all ages.

Tots and Trains, Jackson Street Roadhouse and Museum, 193 E. Pennsylvania Ave., St Paul, MN 55130
Every Wednesday June-August, 10 a.m.
There’s a transportation story, craft time and lots of play areas to explore. Plus, coffee for the adults. Sounds like my kind of fun.

Groovin in the Garden, Como Park Zoo and Conservatory, 1225 Estabrook Drive, St Paul, MN 55103
Wednesday’s 6:00-8:00 p.m. through August 1
This seriously seems like one of the more fun items on my list. Live bands for everyone to enjoy plus there’s a ton of activities for the kids including a climbing wall and bounce house. Bring your own picnic or purchase an array of snacks, beer and wine.

Ice Cream Sunday’s at Gibbs Farm, Gibbs Farm, 2097 W Larpenteur Ave, St Paul, MN 55113
Sunday’s 10:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.
Explore the Gibbs Farm and all they have to offer while enjoying homemade ice cream.

Riverfront Quest Family Walking Tour, Mill City Museum, 704 2^nd St, Minneapolis, MN 55407
July 14 and August 11, 10:30 a.m. – noon
For this, you get to explore along the riverfront on a treasure hunt geared towards families. From 10:30-11 you make a quest journal to keep notes along the way. Plus, admission to the museum is included in the price.

Hanging with Heroes, Mounds Park Academy, 2051 Larpenteur Ave E, St Paul, MN 55109
July 21, 10 a.m. – 12:30 p.m.
Tickets for the 3^rd annual Hanging with Heroes includes activities, snacks and desserts and a good bag that the kiddos get to bring home with them. Everything is superhero themed, so even the older kids can enjoy.

Fawn-Doe-Rosa, 2131 US-8, St Croix Falls, WI 54024
open 10:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m. during the week and 10:00 a.m. – 6 p.m. on weekends
I’ve known about this cool little park for awhile now and still haven’t gotten my butt into gear to see it. There’s a deer yard, a petting area, a farmyard, pony rides and educational tours. Everyone I know that’s been absolutely loves it.

Movie in the Park, Various Parks
Various Dates/Typically starting at dusk
I plan on attending the Movies in the Park in the St Paul area. They are free and open to the public. Some of them have pre-movie activities. I really think that this could be a ton of fun. The kids always love the drive-in so this could have the potential of being just as exciting. It could also pose the possibility of being a crazed mess with the toddler. Only time will tell.

My list is pretty short and sweet, I know. But with all of the intentions I have to get these fun things done, I never seem to manage getting it all done. We made a long list of items to do last year and got through a weekend before it was forgotten about. I’m really hoping that in the next two months we can figure out a way to do all of these things. I’m hoping that after attending, I can blog about it, which will help keep me a little more accountable.

The past few days have been dreary. As much fun as it was dancing in the rain, it’s not an activity that is going to last ALL day. If you don’t want to go completely out of your mind because of your children’s boredom there are a number of things you can do. Hit up Google and you’re going to find lists and lists of fun things you can do to keep those munchkins from bouncing off the walls. Although, I think you’d need to make a shopping list and have a multitude of items on hand for just this situation in order to do most of the things they mention. And not everyone feels like dragging their kids out and about when it’s raining either. So here are a few things I’ve done, with items I’ve had around the house, as a non Pinterest mom. This is just a short list with some items I’ve tried and some that are on my radar. You will definitely find more extensive lists on your internet search.

1. Paint with fruit/nature
   It’s super easy to cut an apple or orange in half and slap some paint on it to use as stamps. We’ve also done flowers and leaves for this project. You will end up with paint on your table despite your attempts to have the kids be neat.

2. Build a fort
   This is not the greatest idea if you are a perfectionist or want your fort to stay a fort. The kids love it and destroy it in a matter of minutes and will ask you a million times to rebuild the damn thing.

3. Color
   This is probably the easiest thing you can do. Throw some paper and some crayons out and let the kids go wild. Easy peazy.

4. Dance party
   This is one of our staple activities at my house when we get stuck inside. I turn on the kids music station on my Echo and throw some bubbles in my bubble machine and let the kids go nuts. They love it. Plus, they get a ton of energy out. Win, win.

5. Make crayons
   This is a great activity if you have a silicone baking pan for muffins. Throw your broken crayons inside the muffin spots and bake em till they melt. Perfection. There’s a tutorial here.

6. Milk Art
   I just found this awesome project for milk art at SayYes.com. The nice thing about this project is that the kids think that getting the colors mixed up is fun in itself… so even if you don’t have water color paper, you still have a fun little science experiment.

7. Bake
   Let’s be honest. This could get messy and you could probably end up frustrated at some point. But it’s something to do for a bit to keep those crazy kids occupied.

8. Make your own playdough
   Pretty sure we’ve all done this at some point. Easy to do and keeps the kids hands busy for long periods of time. Theres a great tutorial at NewYoungMum.com

Movie Time

9. Do a movie marathon. Make some popcorn and pretend you’re at the theater.

10. Make slime
    If you aren’t a neat freak this activity can keep your kiddos busy for long periods of time as well.

You can also:

• Make homemade ice cream
• Create sand art
• Pretend swim in the tub
• Paint the tub
• Create a racetrack out of masking tape on the floor
• Make crayon art
• Have an indoor picnic
• Dress up
• Clean (that’s right, the kids won’t be much help, but it’s something)
• Play boardgames
• Camp in the living room
• Have a tea party
• Make shadow puppets
• Play hide and seek

The things I usually do during rainy days:

• send the kids to the playroom
• turn on a workout video and chase the kids around the couch in between exercises
• sit them at the table with coloring sheets and crayons
• art projects with whatever I have lying around
• build a fort that they promptly destroy
• give them old lunch boxes and have them fill them with toys and then dump them out
• put on a movie that they haven’t seen yet
• bubble dance parties
• lots and lots of snacks

If we’re being honest, there are a million and one things you could do to keep the kids busy. It’s all a matter of finding the right materials and going for it. Today we’ve already built a fort and played dress up as super heroes. There are more things to come because otherwise I might pull my hair out. #momtruth

I have a favorite child. And this post isn’t going to be going on and on about how each of my kids is my favorite and blah, blah, blah.

It drives people absolutely INSANE when I tell them I have a favorite. Apparently, as a parent, you aren’t allowed to have one. When the words come tumbling out of my mouth the look of shock and disgust on their face is almost comical.

“You don’t mean that!” “You can’t say that!”

But why can’t I? Seriously?

Let’s think about this for a second, okay folks?

You have a group of friends, right? And out of those friends, you undoubtedly have a favorite. Thinking back through your time in school I’m sure that you had a favorite teacher. You likely have a favorite relative, a favorite sibling, even a favorite parent… you have favorite foods, a favorite drink at Starbucks, a favorite freaking color. Hell, you probably married your favorite guy you dated. So PLEASE tell me why you would think you WOULDN’T have a favorite child?

I also absolutely, 100%, with no doubt in mind, LOVE all of my children EXACTLY the same. So, if that’s what you’re wondering with my favorite child statement, don’t worry. I don’t love one of my children more than the rest.

But loving them the same doesn’t mean that I don’t get to have a favorite. My kids have all been my favorite at different times and for different reasons but at any given moment only one can be my favorite at a time. And you know why I have a favorite child? The same reason you do, even if you won’t admit it. Because I mesh better with that kid than with the others – our personalities are just more compatible.

Bryson is my favorite because of his ability to be so amiable in all situations.

Daylen is my favorite because of his utmost empathy towards all people and things.

Gabriel is my favorite because of his ability to be the biggest sweetheart and funniest toddler within seconds of each other.

Oliver is my favorite because of his mellow disposition.

But if you asked me on any given day, during this season of our lives, which of my kids is my favorite… I would more than happily give you my answer. My kids know which of them my favorite is, but they also know the reason why and they know that I love them all equally. They know that my favorite changes. They know that it doesn’t matter what they do or who they are because I will love them unconditionally with every ounce of my being.

And that my friends, is what truly matters, not which one I mesh with the most, just the fact that they each know my unconditional love for them.

But seriously, I do have a favorite. And in my opinion, it’s okay for you to have a favorite too. I’ll keep going on knowing that in our society it’s kind of frowned upon to admit that. But I raise my kids to be honest and keeping up the facade of Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy… well, I don’t have much room to lie about anything else.

Ya’ll. I must be doing something wrong. I try my best though and that’s all I can assume anyone asks for when it comes to parenting. Or at least I hope so. But my LORD does G test my patience something FIERCE.

In the last week he has broken the television in our bedroom, gotten into a jar of peanut butter and smeared it all over my mirror, intentionally colored on my newly refinished table (which I know was intentional as he looked at me and smiled as he did it) figured out how to open his hydro-cortisone ointment and smeared it all over himself, a friend and my new couch (which luckily I got for free) and turned himself and O into “cat boy” with a blue marker. It’s been interesting to say the least.

*since starting this post, he’s also managed to hose down myself as well as 4 other children while we were playing outside. SO SUPER AWESOME.

I apparently lack the skills to keep him busy enough to not be the biggest trouble causing, havoc wreaking toddler. Any suggestions? I do art projects and outside time and one on one play. But being a parent to a tornado of a child is becoming more and more challenging.

via Daily Prompt: Guilty

I have had the worst case of mom guilt lately.

I feel guilty that I have mental health issues. That my anxiety and depression make it hard to mom some days. That I’m not perfectly happy without help.

I feel guilty that I can be short tempered. That there are days when I scream and then feel like an asshole and want to bury my head in the sand because I made my kids feel bad. That I can’t just let them be kids sometimes.

I feel guilty that D struggles with anxiety and ADHD. I feel really guilty that I don’t know how to deal with that. That he has to have therapy and medication and I somehow can’t manage to figure out how to make life easier for him.

I feel guilty when I’m a working mom because I’m not home with them.

I feel guilty when I’m not working because I take our time together for granted.

I feel really guilty that I’m not better at doing more learning activities with them even though I spend all day with them.

I feel guilty that I didn’t get to stay home with D and that I spent more time home with G than I have with O. That all of them have experienced life differently than the other ones.

I feel terribly guilty that B doesn’t get more time here. Or more alone time with his dad. That he lives so far away. That he doesn’t want to spend time here because he wants to hang with this friends (which we knew was inevitable at some point).

I feel guilty for every decision I have or haven’t made in the last 9 plus years. I worry that the decision that I made will somehow affect my kids as adults. Let’s not even think about the hard hitting, hot topic items that start controversy every time they’re spoken of. Man. I’m sure I made the wrong choices there too.

Bottle/breast, circumcise/or not, pro vaccine/anti vaccine, home school/private school/public school, only/single/married/divorced, working/SAHM. The list is never ending.

But you want to know what I feel the most guilt about? The thing that eats at me every single day? I feel guilty about FEELING GUILTY. Because why in the hell should I? I have made every decision with thoughtfulness and my babies best interest at heart. Will the outcome always prove to be the RIGHT one? Nope. I’m sure someday my kids will come back and ask me why I didn’t do things one way or another. I’m sure there are plenty of people who judge my parenting style on a daily basis. And I will sit here, in my onesie pajamas, with my hair a mess, my kids dirty from playing outside and wearing the most ridiculous outfits imaginable that they picked out themselves and I will let them whisper.

I’m tired of feeling guilty about my life. About my decisions. About myself. And I’m tired of other mom’s feeling that guilt too. We should all ban together to fight this mom guilt off. Because in the end, we’re all just doing our best to raise these tiny humans into decent adults who aren’t assholes. Good luck, right?

We’ve got this and there is no reason to feel guilty. Remember that.

“I hope, even on your hard days, you know how special you are.”

So one of my favorite woman owned companies is having a major blowout sale on their organic baby clothes. Head on over to get some of the highest quality sleepsacks you’ll find on the market. While you’re there…. check out the other items she sells as well.

http://www.taraluna.com/baby/baby_clothes.htm

#organic #organicbaby #organicclothing #organicmom #sleepsack #blogger #momblog #momblogger #badassboymom

Today marks the day that I became a mom. 9 short years ago. It doesn’t feel that long ago. But at this moment, 9 years ago, I was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of my first born. It was nothing like I planned. Nothing went expected. But at the end of the day, at 9:49 p.m., a perfect little baby boy entered this world.

Watching him grow and turn into the young man that he is slowly becoming has been quite the experience. I will say that no matter what you do, nothing prepares for this crazy ride of parenthood. Your children will surprise you on a daily basis – with kindness, with ambitions, with absolute craziness. There are days that being a mom is the last thing you want to do and yet at the end of the same day, you will look at your sleeping child and be so in awe of the fact that you created something so absolutely amazing.

D made me a mama. He challenges me and he pushes back hard. But every day I thank God for him. For his empathy, his intensity, his love of sports. For his humor, his goofiness, his amazing smarts. He might keep me on my toes and make me question every parenting step I take, but man is that kid something special.

So, happy becoming a mama day to me and a big happy 9th birthday to him.

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships lately. Maybe it’s because an old friend of mine has been haunting my dreams even though we haven’t spoken in almost 7 years. Maybe it’s because I just went on a road trip with two women I met online to see another woman we met online – because we created an amazing friendship through the internet somehow and love hanging out with each other. Maybe it’s because I have friends that are becoming more present again or because my bestie calls me multiple times a week to chat. Whatever the reason might be, it’s been burning my brain.

I truly believe there are three types of friendships that happen in life. Friendships that happen for a reason, friendships that happen for a season and friendships that last a lifetime. Now sometimes these friendships can be an AMAZING mix of these three as well. And sometimes, you won’t realize exactly what type of friendship it was or is until many years down the road. I have had a lot of friendships that were for a reason, lasted for a season and somehow re-sparked and will hopefully last a lifetime.

I’ve noticed that among women, it can be difficult to form and keep friendships. I’ve seen negativity between people that are supposed to be great friends. I’ve also seen women come together as a village to help someone in their darkest times – after a miscarriage, while leaving an abusive relationship, after losing a child, when things were so bad financially they didn’t know where there next meal was coming from. People are fickle creatures… and with the way we are continuously evolving it’s hard to maintain friendships in the same way forever. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could be like children again? “Do you want to be my friend?” “Sure!” And off they go into the sunset.

I had a childhood best friend. We spent 12 years together, inseparable for most of it, with inside jokes that I still replay to this day. There was even a short point where we weren’t in each other’s lives and then we were brought back together and were amazing again. At the time, I truly, with every ounce of my being, believed that friendship was going to last a lifetime. It turns out that it was a friendship that was for a reason. She was there for me through a lot of dark times. A lot of things that other people in my life will never know affected me or how it did. I know I caused a lot of drama with some of the issues I went through and she stuck by me through it for a long time. I will eternally be grateful that for 12 years, we were best friends and she and her family made my life a little more tolerable. I’m not sure why she’s been playing a leading role in my dreams lately, but maybe my subconscious knows I’m struggling a bit and remembers how she was always there before.

I have friends that I met online that were there for a season. They helped me through a stage of motherhood that I couldn’t have survived without them. How blessed am I that they were there through all of that? I count myself very lucky. And even if we don’t talk anymore, they are there still, as friends on Facebook, and I would do anything in my power to help them if they ever needed it.

I also will openly admit that I am TERRIBLE at the friendship thing. Don’t get me wrong. I do believe that I am a genuinely good person with a big heart. I would give you the shirt off of my back if it meant that you wouldn’t suffer. But when it comes to the maintaining friendships thing – I SUCK. I am super self involved in my every day life. I have my kids and other people’s kids and I am constantly on the go. That doesn’t mean that I won’t take the time to talk to you. Or make sure to call back and see if everything is OK. I just am not good at initiating.

Now, there have been plenty of people that have fallen into the two categories of reason and season obviously. My life is still thriving so how am I to truly know who my lifetime friends will be? I’ve had stages in my life where some of my best friends weren’t there – my bestie now, who I truly believe will be a lifetime friend, and I had a falling out for a few months when I was having a hard time being good to myself, let alone anyone else. We all go through seasons in life where things aren’t the same. Where we change, the people around us change, something happens to drive us apart, but if we’re lucky something in life drives us back together. I’ve definitely had that happen with multiple people in my life.

I have my first friends – siblings and cousins.

I have my acquired friends – my MIL (I know you’re jealous) and others that are somehow related.

I have my friends that have fallen into the reason and season categories – the women I have known the longest and that have been there for me the most.

I have my internet friends who have become my real life friends – these women have also been there for me through a TON. There are MANY that are missing from my photos here but they are loved no less.

Now some of these people are just stuck with me for life because of family ties. Others I want to be stuck with and they want to be stuck with me. Even though I struggle with being a good friend all of the time, I love those that consider me their friend and being the person I am, they will always be a friend of mine. I don’t know how any of my friendships will work out – besides those that are with family members – but I’m hoping that the older I get, the more lifetime friendships I develop. Less of the season friendships.