The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Toddler (behaviors)

Ya’ll. I must be doing something wrong. I try my best though and that’s all I can assume anyone asks for when it comes to parenting. Or at least I hope so. But my LORD does G test my patience something FIERCE.

In the last week he has broken the television in our bedroom, gotten into a jar of peanut butter and smeared it all over my mirror, intentionally colored on my newly refinished table (which I know was intentional as he looked at me and smiled as he did it) figured out how to open his hydro-cortisone ointment and smeared it all over himself, a friend and my new couch (which luckily I got for free) and turned himself and O into “cat boy” with a blue marker. It’s been interesting to say the least.

*since starting this post, he’s also managed to hose down myself as well as 4 other children while we were playing outside. SO SUPER AWESOME.

I apparently lack the skills to keep him busy enough to not be the biggest trouble causing, havoc wreaking toddler. Any suggestions? I do art projects and outside time and one on one play. But being a parent to a tornado of a child is becoming more and more challenging.

Mom Guilt

via Daily Prompt: Guilty

I have had the worst case of mom guilt lately.

I feel guilty that I have mental health issues. That my anxiety and depression make it hard to mom some days. That I’m not perfectly happy without help.

I feel guilty that I can be short tempered. That there are days when I scream and then feel like an asshole and want to bury my head in the sand because I made my kids feel bad. That I can’t just let them be kids sometimes.

I feel guilty that D struggles with anxiety and ADHD. I feel really guilty that I don’t know how to deal with that. That he has to have therapy and medication and I somehow can’t manage to figure out how to make life easier for him.

I feel guilty when I’m a working mom because I’m not home with them.

I feel guilty when I’m not working because I take our time together for granted.

I feel really guilty that I’m not better at doing more learning activities with them even though I spend all day with them.

I feel guilty that I didn’t get to stay home with D and that I spent more time home with G than I have with O. That all of them have experienced life differently than the other ones.

I feel terribly guilty that B doesn’t get more time here. Or more alone time with his dad. That he lives so far away. That he doesn’t want to spend time here because he wants to hang with this friends (which we knew was inevitable at some point).

I feel guilty for every decision I have or haven’t made in the last 9 plus years. I worry that the decision that I made will somehow affect my kids as adults. Let’s not even think about the hard hitting, hot topic items that start controversy every time they’re spoken of. Man. I’m sure I made the wrong choices there too.

Bottle/breast, circumcise/or not, pro vaccine/anti vaccine, home school/private school/public school, only/single/married/divorced, working/SAHM. The list is never ending.

But you want to know what I feel the most guilt about? The thing that eats at me every single day? I feel guilty about FEELING GUILTY. Because why in the hell should I? I have made every decision with thoughtfulness and my babies best interest at heart. Will the outcome always prove to be the RIGHT one? Nope. I’m sure someday my kids will come back and ask me why I didn’t do things one way or another. I’m sure there are plenty of people who judge my parenting style on a daily basis. And I will sit here, in my onesie pajamas, with my hair a mess, my kids dirty from playing outside and wearing the most ridiculous outfits imaginable that they picked out themselves and I will let them whisper.

I’m tired of feeling guilty about my life. About my decisions. About myself. And I’m tired of other mom’s feeling that guilt too. We should all ban together to fight this mom guilt off. Because in the end, we’re all just doing our best to raise these tiny humans into decent adults who aren’t assholes. Good luck, right?

We’ve got this and there is no reason to feel guilty. Remember that.

“I hope, even on your hard days, you know how special you are.”

 

 

 

Taraluna

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To My Mom Friends on Mother’s Day…

Today I sent a simple 3 letter text to all the mama’s I had listed in my recent texts. I typed it out to each one of them, didn’t send it as a mass message or copy/paste it, just sent the simple three words…

Because I want them to know that I’m thinking of them. And to them it might have felt generic, but the love was really there.

I know that today can be a hard day. It can be hard in so many ways that no one can see even if you have someone who nails celebrating you. But you’re a mom. So you’ll hide it behind a smile and gratefulness, all the while wishing that someone would just SEE you. Well, I see you.

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Maybe you’re missing your own mom. She’s in another state or another country and all you want to do is celebrate with her. Maybe she’s passed away and that space in your heart still aches every single day, but especially on these big days.

I see you. ❤

Maybe you’re a single parent or an only parent. Your little one is too young to know that today is an important day to celebrate you. The only wishes you get are from your friends and yet all you want is for someone special to recognize you and do something special for you. Or you just got out of a bad relationship and you’re struggling to find the new normal. Trying to figure out how to do it all alone and not sure how to find the balance.

I see you. ❤

You’re in a relationship where you’re holding it all together. You’ll get up today and nothing will be different. You’ll be doing all of the things and you might get a card. But there won’t be any help and today will feel like every other day where you carry the load of it all on your shoulders.

I see you. ❤

To the mama who is struggling with her health in silence. The doctor appointments and the not knowing what’s to come. Silently coping with the symptoms and continuing to be strong for your family. It might be that you’re struggling with your mental health. Your anxiety or depression or any number of other things. It makes it almost impossible some days for you to be the mom you want to be – you lose your cool, you lash out, you feel like you could hit even though you never would.

I see you. ❤

For the women struggling with infertility, with pregnancy loss, infant loss, child loss. You are truly amazing because you manage to carry on with a part of your heart missing.

And I see you. ❤

The foster mom’s, the adoptive mom’s, the step-mom’s.

I see you. ❤

And for all the other mom’s that fall into a category I managed to miss.

I see you too. ❤

It’s okay to feel weary, to feel lost, to have days you hate being a mom – to hate your kids – because love and hate do go together. Don’t worry, you aren’t alone. It’s okay to feel defeated, sad, worn down. Because I know you also feel immense pride, happiness, and LOVE.

So take today and remember, motherhood is a challenge and a blessing and no matter what your motherhood journey might be, you ARE an amazing mom. You are strong. And you are loved. God puts us into these lives and into these challenges and at the time it seems like there is no real reasoning behind it. But there is. And some day you’ll look back and be able to see it.

But until then…. you are loved, you are beautiful, you are strong, you are blessed. Happy Mother’s Day!

peaceful

My Biggest Parenting Challenge

So, I know that I’m not exactly like other parents. But from what I can tell, I’m not the only person out there that parents the way that I do. Some parts of parenting come easy to me – I’ll let you know which ones when I think of them. Most parts of parenting are a learning experience for me. There is one part of parenting that is truly difficult for me and it’s not the fact that boys, in general, are fairly disgusting creatures.

INDEPENDENCE.

Don’t get me wrong. I want to be raising strong, independent men who are nothing if not respectful. I want them to be able to cook themselves a meal, do a load of laundry, iron a damn button up shirt. I want them to be able to do EVERYTHING they need to in order to live a productive life on their own. But, seriously. OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS does it bother the LIVING DAYLIGHTS out of me when my toddler utters the two little words, “my turn?”

Do I love that he wants to help make breakfast? Of course. In theory. Do I actually want him to help me make breakfast? Not most days. Most days I’m trying to get breakfast on the table, a kid out the door and who knows what else, all before 8 a.m.

Do I think it’s adorable when he wants to help vacuum the living room? Absolutely. Do I actually want him to help me vacuum? Hell no. Because I know that it’s going to take me 20 minutes longer to do the job and I have a million other things to do.

That’s where the problem lies. I am WAY too independent and raising independent kids infringes on my own independence. I hate to ask for help. It truly bothers me to no end when I am not doing well enough to do things on my own. It doesn’t matter what it is. Now, I know that letting my toddler help me with household chores isn’t any where comparable to that, but innately I think that’s part of the reason I dislike it so much. That and I am a control freak…. I want to get it done my way, the right way, as fast as possible.

Don’t get me wrong here folks. I let him sit there and stir the eggs while I hover over him so he doesn’t stick his hand on the stove top. I let him wipe his own ass. And then I wipe it just for safe measure. When he wants to attempt to put his shoes on when we were supposed to walk out the door 10 minutes ago … I let him give it one good try. He helps vacuum, sweep, let the dog out and then let the dog in, fold laundry… hell, once in awhile he even helps brush my hair. And as cute as ALL of those things are … I would just rather NOT let him do them.

I mean, I know there are kids out there that will just DO things ALONE … like use a toy broom and sweep the kitchen. Not mine though. My kids want the real deal Holyfield life experience.

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And these small independent steps will eventually lead to BIG independent steps. Like wanting to go to the bus stop alone. Or to the park to play. Or stay at home alone. All of the things that so many people no longer allow their children to do out of fear of the unknown. Now, I’m that parent that lets the little ones climb the jungle gym alone … not assisting but standing close enough in case of an accident. The mom who lets the 1st grader walk to the bus stop alone but watches from behind the car in the driveway. I let my now 9 year old stay at home while I go grocery shopping.

It’s a lot easier for me to allow the older kids to be independent because it doesn’t infringe on my own independence. At the same time though it can be sad to know that you’re little baby is SLOWLY becoming an adult. It can be a bit worrisome because you know there are SO MANY PEOPLE JUDGING YOU when you allow your children some independence as well. Like, right now. I wonder how many of you are judging me as you’re reading this.

But I’m going to continue to raise these independent boys. I’m going to figure a way to control my anxiety, realize that there are more minutes in the day, and I’m going to let them try all of the thi. You only get their childhood once, right? Might as well pretend like you’re enjoying it, even on the days when you’re not.